“I’ll love you if you’ll love me. You go first.” Ok. That might work. People have been doing it for years. Centuries even. Test the water. Make sure. Be safe. Does that sound like someone you know? You perhaps?
Wait! Here is another one – “Love hurts.” (Do I hear a song off in the distance?) Love never hurts. Expectations hurt. Conditions hurt. Judgments hurt. Criticisms hurt.
Babies are a perfect example of love with no conditions. You look into those precious faces and you love them. You don’t stop loving them when they wake you up at 2 a.m. or when you change a poopy diaper. And the baby never says, “Thank you.”
As the baby grows into a child you naturally think it should be walking; it should be talking; it should be getting good grades; it should be having nice friends; it should be………etc, etc.
Expectations. Judgements. Criticisms. Conditions. Paybacks. Gimme love!
Now I’ll tell you the secret to loving without conditions. It’s a secret because most people don’t know it. They may have heard the formula but they don’t believe it for a second. They keep looking for love in all the wrong places. (Did I hear another song starting up?)
Before I tell you the secret, let’s go back to the baby for a moment. You love that baby even when it spits up on your shoulder, or wets thru the diaper onto your lap, or fusses, or gets sick. You love and accept that baby just as it is. Right?
Here’s the secret: love your self just like that. “But I do!” you say? No you don’t. Be honest now.
Do you beat yourself up for past mistakes? Ever get depressed? Have anxiety issues? Afraid of the dark, or spiders, or snakes? Do you complain when you look in a mirror? These thoughts are all about conditions.
You made a mistake. Learn from it and stop kicking yourself around the block. Depression is anger turned inward. Why are you mad at yourself? Give your heart a hug and forgive you your mistakes. Anxiety is another fear. Fear is the opposite of Love.
Fear is the opposite of Love.
Now, here is the secret to the secret. All you have to do is ask yourself if what you are thinking is coming from a place of love. Is the thought kind, gentle, happy, accepting, generous, forgiving, comforting, beautiful or willing? Then the thought is based on love.
OR is what you are thinking doubtful, confusing, critical, blaming, worrisome, hurtful, damaging, jealous or judgmental in any way? All of those types of thoughts are fear based.
Keep in mind that we are talking about thoughts. The thoughts that are in your head. BUT, since your thoughts are in your head you – and only you – have the power and the ability to change those thoughts. You can choose again. You CAN choose again.
Look in the mirror every morning and say, “I love YOU.” Give love to yourself first and you’ll have more than enough to give to everyone else. I promise. Try it and see what happens. Let me know how you make out.