You should see the look on the faces sitting on my couch when I ask the question, “Are you planning on writing your own vows?” You would see everything from blank stares, to wide eye amazement and everything in between.
The bride says, “Oh, he doesn’t want to do that.” And the groom is nodding his head and saying, “I have been thinking about it.” What??
Step back a moment and let’s look at the issue. In the first place, this is your day, your wedding, your ceremony with your thoughts and sentiments. Besides that, it will be in front of your family and your friends. These people like you and support you or they would not be there.
A wedding vow is simply this – what you are bringing to this union, what you feel in your heart and how you feel about your mate. We’re not talking about a 5 minute story. You could say something as simple as “I love you. You are my best friend and I want to spend the rest of my life with you, no matter what.” If that does it for you then you have said it all.
There are no magic words. The words may feel magical (and probably will) but you don’t have to come up with the-all-time-absolutely-perfect-I-will-die-if-it-doesn’t-happen vow.
What makes it magic is the feeling in your heart that comes up over your face, that makes your eyes sparkle and your body tremble. You love this person standing in front of you so much that you would do everything in your power to have a magnificently, incredibly, loving life together.
You are not sacrificing, you are giving gifts. You are not denying yourself, you are becoming more. You are not tying down you are freeing up. Love is a blending, a sharing, a giving and receiving. Read that last part again. Giving AND receiving. You give because you want to give. You receive because you accept the gift given and appreciate the giver.
Being legally married is the commitment to live together because you want to, not have to or need to. You want this person in your life for as long as you are here on this earth. There is nothing wrong with living alone but you two want to live together. Why?
Think about that. Why do you want to live together? Why this person and not someone else? Write that down. Put those thoughts on paper. Don’t worry about how or what you are writing. You can reread it a hundred times, condense it and come up with two (2) sentences which express your feelings, which perfectly conveys your heartfelt message to your chosen partner.
Your vows are your vows. You each write your own. The finished product may sound similar but it will have its own feeling, its own message, your own twist to it when you speak it on your wedding day.
Be brave. You’ve gone this far, now go all the way and write your own personal vows.